Trying to broach the subject of mental health with someone can be daunting, but should not be shied away from. It can be helpful to reframe it as if the person is experiencing a physical illness. If their breath smelt of pear drops/they started limping when they had previously been walking normally/they had a black eye, it would be considered perfectly acceptable to ask about their wellbeing.  

Simply asking if they are feeling OK, or if they would like to go for a walk and chat during a break, effectively stretches out a hand to the person you are concerned about and invites them to open up if they feel able. Even if they don’t, you’ll have conveyed that you are there for them. 

These conversations are about listening, and it is important to not try and ‘fix’ them by trying to solve their problems or comparing what they are going through to your own experiences.

The Samaritans suggests following the SHUSH mnemonic:  

• Show you care: Focus on the other person and stay engaged in what they are saying
• Have patience: The individual needs to feel it is safe to share their feelings and will only do so if there is trust in the relationship, so don’t rush to fill gaps if they pause when speaking. Be non-judgemental in your listening and allow time for them to reflect and work through what are likely to be difficult emotions
• Use open questions: By not imposing your own views and instead using responses such as “tell me more”, the other person is more likely to think about and expand upon their feelings
• Say it back: Checking your understanding is a good way of reassuring your team member that you have been giving them your undivided attention and are hearing what they want you to hear rather than your own interpretation
• Have courage: It can feel intrusive to ask someone how they are feeling, but follow their cues.

Even if they don’t want to talk at that moment, it demonstrates that someone has noticed and they may come back at another time or realise that talking to someone else is an option.

If you are worried that they are at risk of hurting themselves, the Samaritans say it is OK to ask directly, citing research that shows it to be helpful as it gives permission for the individual to tell you how they feel and shows that they are not a burden.